You Down With OCD?

I live next door to a strange older man with a seemingly incurable case of OCD. His car must either be his prized possession, or he's been vandalized. (Been there.) God help you if he sees you out walking anywhere near his car. And by near I mean within 30 feet.

It's just your run of the mill family-style import, really non-descript but he pays a lot of attention to it. I don't mean he keeps it sparkling clean and rubs it with a diaper, I mean he runs out many times, constantly checking the door handles and locks and I guess inspecting the paint job for bumper kisses. Um, if you locked it 2 hours ago, wouldn't it still be locked?

About a week ago I was washing my windows and I noticed him checking out his car. He's still neatly pressed from work and has his necktie fastened tight around his collar. He did his typical circle-about-the-car, inspected it as always, but then started to measure the space in steps. Like march out there 20 paces and draw, partner!

He went back and forth, methodically, counting steps from bumper to bumper. He got in his car, unfasted "The Club" and moved his car back about 3 inches, got out and measured again. Yeah, still seven paces. Wow. Dude. Get a hobby. Three whole inches... which is a lot if you're not a very well endowed man, but in a parking space? Puh-lease.

I've seen this guy around the neighborhood since I moved in years ago, on the El and in Jewel. I've said "good morning" or some type of friendly greeting and he shoots me these wildly bewildered and somehow angry looks. Who shit on your parade? Yeah. I know - the pidgeons.