Vannessaaa!!!

About two weeks ago I decided to go to bed early instead of staying up late, as is the norm. I was awakened by a man on his cellphone having a loud argument with his girlfriend outside my window. It was obvious he'd been drinking, as the words slurred together like vodka and slushy juice in a blender.

Mmmm. I could be thirsty. No. Close the ojos and stay in bed. For once.

He was asking his other half some hypothetical questions that must have related to earlier events in their day, such as, if they had an eight year old daughter, and if she played in dirt, would that be bad? Children do occasionally play in dirt, after all.

Jesus Christ. All the nights I'm up til whenever and it's lights out. Not even crickets chirping.

Apparently he didn't like the response because he began to raise his voice and throw in some peppered words. Their fight escalated for about 15 minutes before I had had enough.

Alright. That. is. it!

I got out of bed to yell, "shuuut up!!" Brooklyn style. I peered through the blinds just in time to hear the last "Fuck you!" and see him spike his cellphone into the sidewalk as if it was a football and he just scored the winning touchdown.

Then he turned around and raced into the courtyard, yelling at the top of his lungs, "Vannessa!"

How very Brando of you. Too bad her name isn't Stella.

A microsecond later I heard a thunderous punch and the shattering of glass.

Oh yeah, and more yelling.

I called 911 and so must have several of my neighbors. The police and an ambulance arrived in about two minutes. Not too shabby.

They led him out of the courtyard with his hand wrapped in a reddening towel and his girlfriend was apparently going to the hospital with him. I don't know how their story ends.

In the morning when I was leaving for work, I saw how bad he must have hurt himself. There's a blood trail from my door where he punched a hole (why'd you punch my door, you big jackasshole? I didn't start the fight) that ends in a huge red puddle at her door. My neighbor, Sadie Mae Horowitz, couldn't even walk out her front door without feeling nauseous.

Sadie, I still think we should've taped the outline of a body on the sidewalk.